gordonzola (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
gordonzola) wrote2004-10-25 07:22 am
gordonzola) wrote2004-10-25 07:22 am
"...and then Discharge said to Hemorrhoids..."
Hey moms, does everyone try to get you to name your kid after them?
One of my co-workers is 8 months pregnant. Because I offered to let her throw her baby shower at my apartment, I’ve gotten to watch my other co-workers "jokingly" suggest names based on their own. I put "jokingly" in quotes because it’s hard to tell how serious they are. I know, for example, Kelly is dead serious with her "Kelly is a great name for a boy or a girl" line. I’m pretty sure Marvin was serious with his suggestion of Marva despite the fact that both Marvin and Preggers agreed that "Marva" sounds like the girl who hangs out in the stairs in the projects, smells of pee, and beats up the younger kids. Steve was probably less serious with "Stevia"* I was, for the record, kidding with "Gordita" though I have been referring to her future daughter that way for the last few months.
And what is up with those baby shower games? The cutting a piece of string game, where everyone tries to guess how big the pregnant stomach is, makes sense, albeit in an odd way. And I get the putting the potato between the knees and dropping it into a jar game. Why not humiliate the non-pregnant guests? It serves to amuse the pregnant one. The "How well do you know Preggers?" game was fun. Mostly because it included questions like a multiple choice "Who is Preggers’ least favorite co-worker?" With a gift certificate to Good Vibes on the line for the most correct answers there was visible tension in the room.
But I didn’t get the scooping up cotton balls while blindfolded. Also, it took hours to clean that crap out of the rug. There was some game involving toilet paper and mustard that we thankfully didn’t get to.
My favorite game went on throughout the evening. Everyone got name tags of different things about pregnancy and a couple of clothespins. If you referred to people by their real names someone could take a clothespin off you. There was a prize for the person with the most clothespins at the end.
I was Post Partum. I had a hard time with the motivation. Was I the mother or the baby? Either way, I got off easy. The first two people who were there as partners of co-workers and knew hardly anyone got Hemorrhoids and Discharge** respectively. I couldn’t stop laughing when a certain co-worker*** got Flatulence and refused to wear the name tag. And while most of the names won’t stick, don’t be surprised if you hear "Ice Chips" being paged over the PA at my workplace.
As far as baby names go, Preggers has decided on Jordan. This, like her real first and last name, begins with "J". Yes, Jordan. Pronounced just like Gordon but with a "J". Combine this with the fact that I hosted the shower and, as Preggers so delicately put it, "If that baby comes out light-skinned, a lot of people are gonna be asking you questions."
*That’s a natural foods joke.
**I kept saying "Hear Nothing! See nothing! Say Nothing!" but you have to be a certain age of punk to know why that’s funny.
***The one with the most seniority in the store. Ha ha ha.
One of my co-workers is 8 months pregnant. Because I offered to let her throw her baby shower at my apartment, I’ve gotten to watch my other co-workers "jokingly" suggest names based on their own. I put "jokingly" in quotes because it’s hard to tell how serious they are. I know, for example, Kelly is dead serious with her "Kelly is a great name for a boy or a girl" line. I’m pretty sure Marvin was serious with his suggestion of Marva despite the fact that both Marvin and Preggers agreed that "Marva" sounds like the girl who hangs out in the stairs in the projects, smells of pee, and beats up the younger kids. Steve was probably less serious with "Stevia"* I was, for the record, kidding with "Gordita" though I have been referring to her future daughter that way for the last few months.
And what is up with those baby shower games? The cutting a piece of string game, where everyone tries to guess how big the pregnant stomach is, makes sense, albeit in an odd way. And I get the putting the potato between the knees and dropping it into a jar game. Why not humiliate the non-pregnant guests? It serves to amuse the pregnant one. The "How well do you know Preggers?" game was fun. Mostly because it included questions like a multiple choice "Who is Preggers’ least favorite co-worker?" With a gift certificate to Good Vibes on the line for the most correct answers there was visible tension in the room.
But I didn’t get the scooping up cotton balls while blindfolded. Also, it took hours to clean that crap out of the rug. There was some game involving toilet paper and mustard that we thankfully didn’t get to.
My favorite game went on throughout the evening. Everyone got name tags of different things about pregnancy and a couple of clothespins. If you referred to people by their real names someone could take a clothespin off you. There was a prize for the person with the most clothespins at the end.
I was Post Partum. I had a hard time with the motivation. Was I the mother or the baby? Either way, I got off easy. The first two people who were there as partners of co-workers and knew hardly anyone got Hemorrhoids and Discharge** respectively. I couldn’t stop laughing when a certain co-worker*** got Flatulence and refused to wear the name tag. And while most of the names won’t stick, don’t be surprised if you hear "Ice Chips" being paged over the PA at my workplace.
As far as baby names go, Preggers has decided on Jordan. This, like her real first and last name, begins with "J". Yes, Jordan. Pronounced just like Gordon but with a "J". Combine this with the fact that I hosted the shower and, as Preggers so delicately put it, "If that baby comes out light-skinned, a lot of people are gonna be asking you questions."
*That’s a natural foods joke.
**I kept saying "Hear Nothing! See nothing! Say Nothing!" but you have to be a certain age of punk to know why that’s funny.
***The one with the most seniority in the store. Ha ha ha.