I'm sorry, who are you?

Vena Cava touched on the politics of remembering people in this post . When the US bombed Libya in the mid ‘80s I heard that some people had decided to disrupt campus ROTC assembly the next day. When I joined the gathering outside the military hall, the much older* activist organizing the 20 person protest remembered my name despite the fact that we’d only met once at a big demonstration. It made me feel so accepted and welcome that I vowed to make a point of learning people’s names from then on.

Unfortunately, it didn’t work out that way. I have a really hard time with faces and names. I don’t think it’s just because I’m self-involved. Or that I just haven’t learned the Sparticist League-approved memory tricks that the older activist probably was taught as part of the party orientation.

But it really does pain me when I can’t place people. And of course, since I spend most of my waking hours at work, and see the most people there, that’s where it’s the biggest problem. Laugh if you want, but with the exception of when I’m having my seasonal cheese-is-rotting-in-the-cooler-I-ordered-too-much nightmares or when we’re getting death threats from people think we’re a bunch of Jew-haters, it’s one of my biggest stresses at work. I know that there are people out there that probably think I’m snotty because I don’t say hi to them when they’re shopping.

It’s all about context. When I’m working, I’m in context so people remember me easily. Cheese guy. Wrapping cheese. Weighing cheese. Giving out cheese samples. "Hi, Cheese Guy." See? Easy.

But almost everyone I’ve ever met in SF** comes through my workplace at least once in awhile. Figure these numbers into the equation. I’ve worked there for 8.5 years. I talk to at least 50 customers a day and see hundreds more. I have 200 co-workers. I’ve met a-number-I-don’t-even-want-to-think-about of sales reps who always act like we’re best buddies when they see me which, through negative reinforcement, makes me wary when people are friendly. Partly concurrent with this job, I volunteered at a collective punk rock record store that put on shows where I often worked the door. I’ve lived within the same 14 blocks for 14 years and walk almost everywhere I go.

Put it this way. Many, many people who I’ve never actually met look familiar to me. Sometimes it’s very hard to know if we’ve ever talked or if I’ve just seen them shopping every week for the last 8 years or walking around the neighborhood. Sadly,*** I probably see more of, and know more about,**** some strangers than people I consider my friends.

I’m not saying I forget people who I’ve had deep meaningful moments with. But if we met drunk at a party sometime over the last few months, and you see me at work, please casually mention where we know each other from. And it may take a few times before I know you by sight.

It’s almost one of those giving-up-your-dreams things. I’ve finally realized that I’m just never going to have a good memory for names and faces, at least until I work in a less public place.



*well, probably four years. But it seemed like a lot back then which is important for the anecdote.

**nodoilies being an obvious exception.

***Pathetically? Creepily? Horribly? I’m not sure which applies best.

****And don’t forget how much one can assume about people from what they buy. Good thing there’s that consumer/shopper confidentiality law and that that information is privileged.