Birthday anxiety and a rash of name-checking

There’s always something stressful about celebrating my birthday. I’ve got no problem with my age. I’m actually happy about that. It’s the feeling I have that I should be doing something more fabulous or meaningful than I’ve planned. Because It’s my birthday after all.

But the thing is that I’m not that into fabulous. I have many friends who are and pull it off well, but it’s just really not my thing. My thing is more friendly, sloppy, messy, run-down, and probably beer-soaked.* I did have a moment last night when I wondered if I took the non-fabulous thing a little too far.

I had a birthday dinner with a few close friends. I picked a restaurant** that I like and that I knew would be low key, no-reservation-necessary and not too pricey because I knew my friends would insist on paying and I didn’t want them to be out too much money. But man it was empty. We were the only people there for most of the hour or so we were there. And there was a fly in the pitcher of beer. Still, the food was tasty even if I kept asking What Would Anthony Do?*** and wondering how often they actually got fresh meat deliveries.

Highlight of dinner: Me, nodoilies, and ilipodscrill arguing LJ vs. Friendster with Gary Fembot. Ugh, kill me now.

Finally jactitation, KerryPerry, and Dianarama showed up and we headed for the bar where fattest’s sister works. The bar that ctrhotpink used to describe as an "old man fart bar" when she used to go there in high school. Since it can be a little sports bar-y sometimes, it was lucky that the Cubs had already fucked up and their demoralized fans had slumped home leaving the bar fairly empty. But of course it was empty. That’s why I like it. Is the pattern becoming more clear?

After much anxiety about whether anyone I invited would actually show up, people did, and my Anchor Steam, magically, never ran dry. I usually compound my birthday anxiety by shyly half-assing the invitations and remembering people too late to ask them to come. But I had already decided to keep it smallish this year because I still felt partied out from our house party a month before. Still, I got to do what I like to do on my birthday, be the center of attention and wander amongst groups of friends trying to get them to mingle with other groups of my friends who they don’t know. Eventually people staggered off, some even drunkenly deciding to go to The Mint**** to sing Billy Joel and Queen songs.

But I didn’t. I felt done and satisfied with my birthday. And I had to get my yearly work evaluation***** this morning at 10 AM. Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday yesterday!



*Or maybe I’m just lazy. Actually, I know I am. Why else pick a mediocre restaurant and a no atmosphere bar to hang out in for my birthday if not because they are both within two blocks of my apartment? But then again, acknowledging my own laziness is giving myself a present on my birthday really.

**You’ve been there surlygrrrl!

***Forgive me grapesoda.

****OK, everyone in SF has a website now.

*****Think Cultural Revolution era "Peer review".

******The only other LJ people who I didn’t name check above are plee, superchones, and her Bunnyboy. Except for Bunnyboy, I knew all of ‘em before my LJ existence.

*******arasay and de_gustibus you were missed. Why did you move to England again?