Old Cheese - Emmental

[gordonzola]

In many ways I’m a cheese purist. I’ll change the names of cheeses if I think they are misleading. I urge American cheesemakers not to name their cheeses after European ones, both for marketing and historical reasons. People trying to sell me low fat cheeses are chased out of the store by an angry mob of my ridicule.

But one place where I can’t hold the line is with Emmental . I do sometimes think this makes me a bad person.

Emmenthal is a 200 lb. partially-skimmed, raw milk cheese from Switzerland. It’s got those big, irresistible eyes, you cut it in big chunky pieces, and it melts like Peeps in the rain. What’s not to love?

Well, the 200 lb. part. I can almost hold the cheese against the wall with my belly when I cut it, which is an aspiration of mine, (I’ve seen pictures of old Italian cheesemongers do it and it is hott.) but dealing with those fuckers is no fun. Six to eight inches thick and almost as big as my arm-span those things are workers’ comp claims waiting to happen.

In one of those I’m-glad-this-wasn’t-me,-but-it’s the-kind-of-thing-I-would-do moments, a cheese rep related a story of their worst day on the job. Some cheese buyer demanded the rep deliver a whole wheel of Emmental to cover the buyer’s poor planning. The rep had to bring it in his car which is no easy trick. He managed to struggle it out of the trunk and set it on the rainy December street, propped up against the car so he could shut the doors before bringing it inside. (I know you don’t always want to know these things as consumers, but there you go) Unfortunately, San Francisco has many hills. The Emmental started rolling. Rep wisely decided not to get in the way of the 200 lb. killer cheese and it rolled for half a block, picking up speed, until it veered and took out the door panel of a parked car.

But beyond the potential danger is the feeling that it’s just not worth the effort. Emmental is an amazing cheese, sure. But it’s a retail dilemma that sometimes carrying the best version of something isn’t what the customers really want. Emmental usually comes one of four ways: 1. full wheels of exquisite parentage aged up to nine months, 2. full wheels of six to nine month aged cheese, 3. quartered pieces of either , and 4. "cuts", long rectangles that come from young Emmental but are cut to fit a slicer.

I buy the cuts.

I’ve had amazing Emmental. The company who has spent a fortune marketing "Cave-Aged" Gruyere as superior to other well-aged Gruyere also sells an Emmental. It is the best I’ve tasted, a great example of type # 1. Nutty beyond most others, yellow straw color, big, beautiful eyes, even pungent, but just a little. The problem is that it costs almost as much as a Gruyere and even the youngest gruyere has more flavor. While I can fully appreciate that it is the best, and even get customers to agree if I sample it up against a "cut’, they simply won’t buy enough to justify buying one of those tank tire sized wheels.

I know I shouldn’t compare the two. It’s sloppy mongering because they are not supposed to be similar. The problem is that 90% of the customers are looking for either/or. They want something to melt in a casserole, or omelette, or quiche, or fondue. Or they want to buy the stronger cheese and then cut the price by mixing in a cheaper cheese. Either way a high priced/high quality Emmental doesn’t work for them. I sometimes buy quarter wheels of the not-quite-as-good stuff. But even that slight increase in price had people flocking to the Domestic and Baby Swisses. When it comes down to it, people expect their Emmental to be a commodity-priced cheese.

Grocery retail is not perfect, there’s a surprise for you eh? Our cheese selection isn’t static either of course. Sometimes we do bring the good stuff in. In fact, as I am writing this, my soul filled with pressed and coagulated shame, I just got an e-mail offering me the high quality Emmental at the "cut" price so for the next month or so I won’t have to live this embarrassment. But soon enough, I’ll be back to my shameful ways.

Comments

[arasay.livejournal.com]

Cheesemonger confessions are so awesome.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

I see a Showtime special in my future.

[arasay.livejournal.com]

Awesome, because it will end up on Channel4 (they do so love the US import shows). Be sure to malign the French. Can't get enough of that over here.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

It's like Passover every day! (That's actually anarqueso's line)

[ubiquity75.livejournal.com]

We need to do a raclette. RACLETTE!

[grapesoda.livejournal.com]

I'm not so involved with cheese buying...but when I need fancy cheeses I just call my friend with the fancy deli to send some down. He asks what kind and I say 100$ worth, 5 kinds or 50$, 3 kinds etc etc. He always gives me a good variety and picks the ones I wouldn't or that are at a good ripeness. It's a good relationship. "Anything you don't want?" he almost always askes. "Anything from Switzerland" I always respond. Swiss cheeses makes me gak.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

I always respond. Swiss cheeses makes me gak.

Thanks for illustrating why chefs can't be trusted with cheese. ;)

seriously, you and the dude should come to SF. We will taste so many cheeses!

[grapesoda.livejournal.com]

nooooo no no no. I just have *issues* with Switzerland.

I'd like to come to SF but the dude wants to visit his homeland. Maybe I'll come by myself this winter. I dunno.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

Come on down!

[kneidlach.livejournal.com]

until it veered and took out the door panel of a parked car.

Incredible.

When I was 3 years old we went to visit our family in Israel (ahem... Palestine) and on the way we stopped in Switzerland to visit a family friend. All I remember of the whole trip is being inside a gigantic cheese factory seeing the huge wheels of cheese that were way larger than me.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

It's dangerous when the cheese outweighs you!

[morty-baby.livejournal.com]

Emmental is my favorite cheese. If I saw a giant wheel of it rolling down the street I would have risked life and limb to circumvent it and wrestle it into my car. I would hide with it in the hay shed and not come out for a month.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

but the beauty of an Emmental is that you can just get out of the way and let it hit the car. It won't hurt the cheese!

[morty-baby.livejournal.com]

Too true, all I would have to do is scoop it up after it has lodged in the door. Unless the car's a SATURN in which case it would *bounce* off the door and continue on its merry way knocking old ladies out of their walkers.
THANKS for saving my life.

[sparkle-shortz.livejournal.com]

Or a Fiero where it would shatter the fiberglass!

[asthecrowflies.livejournal.com]

...until it veered and took out the door panel of a parked car.

i laughed so hard i cried! see, after being hit by a variety of municipal vehicles (garbage truck, un-personned, police car, driven by someone on their first day at the job), & by a bicycle (un-personned), not to mention, a tree, i can totally see that being my car.

cheese porn

[bing-crosby.livejournal.com]

Holding it up with your belly? Against the wall? HOT.

I love emmenthaler. I'm sorry it makes you feel so morally compromised.

[trishylicious.livejournal.com]

well you are providing a product for people, and you need to know your customers or else your shop will go out of business! If they won't buy enough of the good stuff to make it worth keeping/restocking, that's just the way it is. But you are smart enough to know the difference, which is the important thing.

[trishylicious.livejournal.com]

p.s. too bad no one got a video of the 200 lb. cheese rolling down the streets of san francisco!

[kneidlach.livejournal.com]

I don't think I could eat a cheese that sounds like an old Jewish man's last name. But that's just me.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

I was cracking up at my desk so hard I had to share the tale of cheese wheels and car doors with my co-workers. Busted!

[freshwater-pr0n.livejournal.com]

With a little embellishment, the rolling Emmental story could be turned into a great children's book. Think of the adventures that little runaway cheese wheel would have, and the friends she would make as she rolled her way through the city!

[tubyred.livejournal.com]

i love this post.
there was much cheese enjoyed this weekend by n & myself. but that's nothing new. what *is* new is that i'm going to go looking for this emmental.

[masscooper.livejournal.com]

Does anyone else remember Step By Step and the giant cheese wheel rolling down the street?

[literaticat.livejournal.com]

I came here via sdn. Because it is your day.

But I had to add you - a cheesemonger who has x and emma goldman listed as interests? I'm in love.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

Let us proudly recall that Emma ran an ice cream parlor for awhile. She had the dairy pride!

[dcart.livejournal.com]

Posts like these make me hope I'm somehow able to move to SF just to be tutored in cheese.

[ayodele.livejournal.com]

Well, the 200 lb. part. I can almost hold the cheese against the wall with my belly when I cut it, which is an aspiration of mine, (I’ve seen pictures of old Italian cheesemongers do it and it is hott.)

i feel like someone should metaquotes this.

[ubiquity75.livejournal.com]

If I had to choose one cheese to eat for the rest of my life, I'd probably choose a fine emmental. True.

Far Side cartoon in head

[substitute.livejournal.com]

The annual "running of the Emmental" in the little Swiss village of Pamplonen is popular worldwide despite the obvious dangers.

[chloesha.livejournal.com]

I guess I'm not the only one who likes cheese porn. hmmph! If I wasn't so sick I'd go buy a little cut of Emmental to go along with this post. phooey. G -- this is a sign of really good writing, you're taking a topic that most people are oblivious/indifferent to and making them eat it out of your hand. good job!

[clover44.livejournal.com]

Great entry! These cheese entries are always entertaining and educational, plus I love the image of a wheel of cheese rolling down the street and bashing into a parked car.

[19-crows.livejournal.com]

Oh god, I love that story about cheese vs. parked car. The cheese won!

[defenestr8r.livejournal.com]

yay! cheese posts!

the image of the rolling emmental made me smile.

and whenever you decide you're ready to run away to france, home of high quality low priced cheese, call me. i'll work out the immigration papers.

xo

[sparkle-shortz.livejournal.com]

Say no to moppy slongering!