Tofu trapped in cages so tight that it can't move an inch.

[gordonzola]

A customer came in the other day who knew her cheese pretty well. She asked smart questions and was looking for good cheese. She was intrigued by the new (legal) raw milk French ones we have in, Dome St. Estephe, Brique Des Flanders, Gaperon Au Torchon but rebelled against their insanely high prices. I couldn’t blame her though I bought a half of one of the Domes myself at like $9 for about 4 ounces. I didn’t do the math to get a per pound price and I’ll thank you in advance for not telling me.

She decided on a half of the new Jasper Hill Winnemere that I was plugging here the other day. I ordered 20 and got 4. (Boo hoo.)

Anyways, she started off a little wary with me then grew to trust me over the five minutes of cheese talk. I actually appreciate when I have to earn people’s trust. I figured we had bonded enough that I couldn’t offend her.

When she finished her cheese selections she asked, "You don’t carry foie gras do you?"

Now for those of you not in the Bay Area, we do not carry meat or fish even though most of our customers want it. Vegetarians started our store and though we dispensed with the other teaching of the convicted smuggler, child guru, cult leader, we have stayed true to that one. Meat questions however, are the most dangerous customer interaction. Even though I eat meat, and try to empathetically and without attitude tell people that we don’t carry it, sometimes folks still think I’m copping an attitude. Hell, I’m sure I’ve killed more birds than most of the people asking for frozen chickens, but people are drop-of-the-hat ready to assume self-righteousness on this issue.

Despite knowing all this I felt like I’d developed a trusting relationship with this anonymous customer and that she had a sense of humor. I went for broke.

"No Ma’am, we don’t carry any meat or fish so we certainly don’t carry the torture meats."

She heard the "no" imediately, but the rest took a second to sink in. She did a slight double take. "Well ok," she said, "but I don’t share your opinion."

"I’m sorry for the way I phrased that," I replied. "How about if I say, we don’t carry the torture meats that are extremely tasty?"

"Ok, I can live with that," she said starting to push her cart and finish her shopping.

Comments

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

I tasted the Torture Meat the other day for the first time--largely so that I could say yes I have tried it when the next foie gras argument breaks out--and for the life of me I don't get the appeal. I let it linger in mouth and on tongue as instructed, and thought, "Wow, this is...fatty. Really, really fatty." Maybe if you're not someone for whom "unctuous" is the ultimate food descriptor, you're just not going to be a Torture Meats devotee. I will be saying "Torture Meats" from now on, however, 'cos it's fun. :-)

"Vegetarians started our store and though we dispensed with the other teaching of the convicted smuggler, child guru, cult leader, we have stayed true to that one."

Convicted smuggler? Child guru? Do tell (though I know you probably have many times already).

C'mon, give it up

[sarahshevett.livejournal.com]

Yes, do tell...

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

Our store was founded by followers of this guy. Let me make clear though, that it became a secular store very soon after it began (1976) and that the followers who started the store were mostly dedicated to doing right in the world (right livlihood), seeing the store as a way to provide healthier food to people in their community. The leader may have been corrupt, but the grass roots folks were just trying to provide for themselves and others in a way that did good in the world.

People for the Eating of Tasty organ meats..

[sarahshevett.livejournal.com]

nice job.

[capn-jil.livejournal.com]

But isn't milk cow torture?

I've heard honey referred to as "bee oppression" but only jokingly.

Totally coming into your store and asking for torture cheese now.

Happy California victims.

[sarahshevett.livejournal.com]

Only some cows.

[corvus.livejournal.com]

Well, you know what Propagandhi says...

"But you cannot deny that meat is still murder. Dairy is still rape."

aslk;jfsalk;jflaksj

Thanks guys!

[jette.livejournal.com]

mmm torture meat

ps

36 :-P

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

DAMN YOU!!!!!!

[hotcrab.livejournal.com]

is this at rainbow? that place would be perfect if they just carried torture meat.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

yes.

and I would start out with some Niman Ranch before I got to the torture meats, personally.

[grapesoda.livejournal.com]

*rolls eyes* and when I eat fois gras I prefer it to come from Quebec then Hungary because, you know, terroir is important when you're force feeding geese.

[elevenoclock.livejournal.com]

bwah ha!

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

oh, absolutely!

[lifeasjuicy.livejournal.com]

isn't it all worth it for stories like this?? and the cheese? and the occasional cute-customer flirtation?

I've never milked a cow, but I bet I'd be good at it.

thanks for the laugh, G.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

absolutely. It's why i love retail most of the time.

I don't know where to jump in on the milk wagon

[slutbunwalla.livejournal.com]

But alls I know is after learning about rBGH watching "the Corporation" I make sure the milk I get is free of that at least....
Udder pus....bleaauugghhh

Re: I don't know where to jump in on the milk wagon

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

don't worry. there's a regulated udder pus level on fluid milk. Have no fear!

[magpiesf.livejournal.com]

mmm. torture meat. ive never been able to decide which i like better - foie gras or whale.

next time someone asks if you carry foie gras, you could tell them over next to the "veal section" :)

[defenestr8r.livejournal.com]

there were people staging a protest outside of Spago a few weeks ago. apparently wolfgang uses the WRONG kind of foie gras (is there a "right" kind?).

only in beverly hills.
i mean, go find a real cause.

poor tofus

[freshwater-pr0n.livejournal.com]

Re: poor tofus

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

I love the drawing but I think the tofu has too mush leg room. You wouldn't want it to pace around and lose fat.

[clover44.livejournal.com]

I am so bummed that I missed the dairy thread that evolved from your journal entry...but it was fun/interesting reading it this morning.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

It was crazy fast. 50 comments in like 30 minutes. Who knew?

But feel free to join in anywhere.

[spoonfeeding.livejournal.com]

wow, you don't sell meat? Did I know that? That seems totally bizarre to me, somehow. I assumed you sold cruelty-free niman ranch stuff at least. I am weirdly delighted you don't. I should shop at Rainbow more. Well, I should buy groceries more, period.

Where do you buy your meats? I'm assuming not W---- F----, but do you get touchy-feely meats from somewhere or just Safeway stuff?

How do you justify selling eggs and milk but not meat? I mean, I'm not asking YOU to justify it, but I'm curious what the official company stance is. Or is it just, "move along, hippy"?

I'm still reeling from the discovery that wine uses eggs. I can't believe that's common knowledge!

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

you know, I pretty much never buy meat to cook. When I do, I go to Buy Rite or Drewe's (Church nr 30th)

For eggs, milk, and cheese you don't have to kill anything to have the finished product. Unless you count eggs which I assume you don't. (and let's ignore rennet altogether)

[fidelity-astro.livejournal.com]

I would love to have you!

As my LJ friend!

I'm a friend of Sirianand's!

I hope this will work out!

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

oh, I've heard about you....