Having the cheese between us makes a difference

[gordonzola]

Sometimes I forget that the counter is important. Sometimes when I am in other grocery stores I forget I don’t work there. Sometimes I’m inappropriate in public.

There are some retail positions, in certain times and places, where being rude or suggestive is part of the fun. Sassy greasy spoon waitresses, Judy May’s Sandwich and sports memorabilia shop, selling cheese… I know anarqueso will back me up on this. You have to pick your spots, but there’s something about the urban retail experience that makes people amused at a snarky cheesemonger. Maybe it’s a way for the customer to pay penance as the buy something decadent.

However, it doesn’t work at all when you are not selling cheese. I almost didn’t post this because I am a little embarrassed about it. I don’t usually act like this in public.

I was at the Ferry Building in the little grocery store they’ve got there. I had been selling cheese all morning and then rushed to the Ferry Building for the annual California Artisianal Cheese Guild meeting. I just needed some water.

The guy in line in front of me was a bear. He was even wearing a t-shirt from Daddy’s Bar in the Castro. Even though I don’t really sleep with boys, I think of bears as my people in a general way. Except for the muscle bears, they’re pretty much my body type. I feel solidarity.

Anyways, he was buying produce and he told the woman working the counter that he was buying "Squish".

"Squish?" she asked. She wasn’t a native American English speaker and she seemed confused.

"Oh," the customer said, "It’s squash but my boyfriend makes me call it squish because he says I always overcook it." He laughed. The cashier laughed. They both looked at me so I laughed too.

Now, I fully admit that I was in the wrong. From behind the counter I would be witty and flirty. Waiting in line, I was just a creepy customer. I said, "Oh is part of the punishment for overcooking the squash that you have to explain why you call it ‘squish’ in public"

He gave me a nasty look, said nothing, and walked away. The cashier laughed though.

Mr. Bear man, if you are reading this, sorry!

Comments

[trixiefirecat.livejournal.com]

don't apologize for that, that's funny! he's the one who went planting his squish out there begging the question in the first place.

[cindymonkey.livejournal.com]

awww- you just described my favorite sort of grocery store interaction

[jette.livejournal.com]

oh, I would have said much the same thing. That's not socially correct?

I think my middle child got the Asperger's from me.

[mistersmearcase.livejournal.com]

I can't find anything even a little offensive in it.

Your solidarity with bears despite "not really" sleeping with boys is kind of fun/funny.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

I have no doubt if I had said that from behind the counter he would have laughed. Since I was standing next to him, I think he thought that was my way of creepily hitting on him. I think it is because if I was working I would have had full license to talk to him. As a fellow customer, and I don't think he saw me at the begining of the exchange, I was imposing on his conversation.

[liveavatar.livejournal.com]

This kind of stuff happens to me more than I'd like to admit -- okay, I don't worry that bears think I'm trying to hit on them, but the whole "do I have the right to join in the 'joking-around' part of their conversation-during-commercial-transaction" quandary is very familiar.

My idealization of the experience is that it will magically turn into something like my icon. In real life it only works out like that maybe one half, one third of the time. Which is just the kind of intermittent reinforcement that keeps people butting in.

These days, if there's any question in my mind I shut the hell up until it's my turn at the counter. Then I follow up on the previous conversation as it suits the vibe between the counterperson and myself.

There's a sociology Master's thesis for someone here.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

If they both looked at you, then they invited you into the conversation & you can say whatever the hell you please.

I don't think it's particularly offensive to bust a guy for tellling a cutesy story when there are people waiting in line behind him. I mean, c'mon. The woman behind the counter has to pretend that she cares about his domestic cutesies because he's giving her money, it's a tacit part of the transaction. But why should you?

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

as a retailer, I'm sure you understand. I'm fascinated with some of the shit I can say behind the counter.

but I'm just saying the dynamic was different. I'm probably leaving out some important gesture or look. But I was the only person in line and I got there after the story was being told. But really, I am interested in the customer/retailer psychology game.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

as a retailer, I'm sure you understand. I'm fascinated with some of the shit I can say behind the counter.


Oh, totally. It's stand-up comedy.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

thanks for understanding. that commenet I wrote to you was totally pre-caffeinated.

Hey, you're not at the food show are you?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

No, this year I'm going to the chili related food shows.

But next time I'm in SF, I intend to make a special kamakazi appearance at your shop so I can explain to you how in my household our nickname for blue cheese is SMEGMA! <---bad joke alert!

[purejuice.livejournal.com]

so, any kind of conversation is now considered Hitting On?

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

that is just my working hypotheses, mostly from the reaction I got. When I see that kind of reaction from the other side of the counter (between customers) that is usually what has precipitated it. Plus the fact that I implied that he was acting out a public humiliation scene devised by his boyfriend.

[purejuice.livejournal.com]

i get the second scenario, but the first fills me with despair.
the idea that the code for public space behavior in america allows for no eye contact, much less speaking, is really the death of democracy in a way. seeing as it started in public space (agora, yadda yadda), and that The Revolution started with revolutionary encounters on the sidewalk (marshall berman), where people of different genders and classes for the first time encountered one another. [sidewalks were invented by Peter the Great in St. Petersburg, (nevsky prospekt, Gogol) and haussman in paris. previously they did not exist.]

i have gay friends who feel sad because if they make any kind of interaction with children the mothers start screaming pedophile. etc.

[yousmell.livejournal.com]

i read this as:
the idea that the code for public space behavior in america allows for no eye contact, much less spanking...
and it wasn't until i got to the end that i realized my mistake.

also, regarding the last bit, i caught a lot of flack as an effeminate male nanny.

[purejuice.livejournal.com]

not to mention the whole problem of Being Seen, first articulated in The Invisible Man, and an essential condition of life.

[sarahshevett.livejournal.com]

I think that as soon as they both looked at you, you were involved.

[goodbadgirl.livejournal.com]

I agree. I think it was totally funny and sweet.

But don't get me stareted about the rude ass treatment I encounter at your cheese counter! Besides being hassled by you all the time there's this curly haired chick that's nearly impossible. And that pretty red head? Well, let's just say there was a pretty gnarly incident with a towel and some balls a while back.........

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

what about the tall dude with facial hair?

[goodbadgirl.livejournal.com]

The dude with the facial hair is ok by me. I like to refer to him as my little cheese lambykins....

[erinmack.livejournal.com]

I'm totally always "that person" responding to random strangers' comments to others in retail establishments - some people get it and laugh and other people seem horribly offended: their issue!

I am happy that the bear culture exists - a welcome sea of acceptance within a youth/perfection obsessed gay male aesthetic. I feel some solidarity with cubs since I am hairier than most of them (but, alas, not big enough to be a bonafide bear!)

[mistersmearcase.livejournal.com]

You know, not to be a stick in the mud, but the bear community, in my experience, can be only superficially more accepting than the twink world. At times it's just the aesthetic ideals that are different. (I'm neither bear nor twink. Where's my parade??)

[fightingwords.livejournal.com]

Nice picture.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

ha! That's one of my bear-friendly icons.

hey, I think you slipped away without me saying a proper goodbye last night. Thanks so much for inviting me out.

[hotelsamurai.livejournal.com]

ha!

[touchyphiliac.livejournal.com]

Being sassy is ALWAYS part of the fun, Gordonzola. I'm sorry your remark wasn't well received.

[uberconfused.livejournal.com]

I dont' think that was inappropriate at all! In fact, I think it was really funny, and Mr. Bear obviously doesn't have a sense of humor.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

I'll try harder next time. Maybe I should host a "make the preggo pee herself" competition.

[purejuice.livejournal.com]

first the bears and now the preggos. you're a beast.

[anarqueso.livejournal.com]

Exactly what I would have said, only you know I would have thrown in some wiggly eyebrows. You did the right thing.

[m-dash.livejournal.com]

I would have said the same thing. I'm all about joining the conversation if there's a funny response to be made. I don't want to live in a world where I can't do that. It know it can be a different dynamic for men than for women, though.

[m-dash.livejournal.com]

(A funny/sassy/flirty/non-hurtful response to be made)

[bugsinamber.livejournal.com]

I'm having trouble seeing where you were offensive. I can explain the dirty look for you. It's par for the course in *beardom*. Suckas.