I don't see any reason why you should feel that you didn't do exactly right by him. I'm glad you enjoyed your birthday party even though there was sadness in your heart.
This resonated with me quite a lot, actually. Exactly two minutes before our wedding ceremony, a family member came up to the little room where I was hiding out and kind of cornered me: she wanted us to either dedicate our wedding to my (deceased) mother, or start it off with a moment of silence. Something like that. (She had asked the night before, too, and we'd gently said no then, too... and I'm told she spoke to our officiant before cornering ME... I suppose she thought that a last-minute appeal would work better? Ugh!)
I gently said, again, that we were happy with the ceremony as-is and that I felt confident that my mother would be remembered. (And she was, in my father's toast and also in personal conversations we had throughout the evening with guests.) I also murmured something about it being a wholly secular ceremony and that a moment of silence felt like pushing prayer, but the main reason was purely selfish: we didn't want to start on a downer.
To her credit, my family member didn't say anything negative afterward or act put out that we declined to follow her (pushy, wholly inappropriate) suggestion - heh, she was too drunk to hold a grudge. But, yeesh. I DID entertain a moment of self-doubt and it sucked... like I had to question everything we were about to do. I'm sure a moment of silence or a dedication wouldn't have been a BAD thing, but ultimately, we just wanted to celebrate, and we think my mother would have wanted that as well. And we were both more than pleased with the way things went.
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Date: 2007-10-26 02:55 pm (UTC)This resonated with me quite a lot, actually. Exactly two minutes before our wedding ceremony, a family member came up to the little room where I was hiding out and kind of cornered me: she wanted us to either dedicate our wedding to my (deceased) mother, or start it off with a moment of silence. Something like that. (She had asked the night before, too, and we'd gently said no then, too... and I'm told she spoke to our officiant before cornering ME... I suppose she thought that a last-minute appeal would work better? Ugh!)
I gently said, again, that we were happy with the ceremony as-is and that I felt confident that my mother would be remembered. (And she was, in my father's toast and also in personal conversations we had throughout the evening with guests.) I also murmured something about it being a wholly secular ceremony and that a moment of silence felt like pushing prayer, but the main reason was purely selfish: we didn't want to start on a downer.
To her credit, my family member didn't say anything negative afterward or act put out that we declined to follow her (pushy, wholly inappropriate) suggestion - heh, she was too drunk to hold a grudge. But, yeesh. I DID entertain a moment of self-doubt and it sucked... like I had to question everything we were about to do. I'm sure a moment of silence or a dedication wouldn't have been a BAD thing, but ultimately, we just wanted to celebrate, and we think my mother would have wanted that as well. And we were both more than pleased with the way things went.