Saturday night in cheese

[gordonzola]

It was the slow finish of a Saturday night behind the cheese counter. People were home avoiding the weather or already gearing up for their evening plans. I was starting to do some end-of-the-night cleaning tasks when my co-worker walked up.

She had just come in to shop so she had no identifying store markings on her. She wasn’t splattered with food, bulk flour dust, or customer spittle like the rest of us on the end of a Saturday night. She didn’t look like she worked there.

We talked cheese. I told her about the Winnimere* that just came in for the season and was perfect, about the Australian marinated feta that I had a sample of, about the Truffle Tremor that was on sale. When she decided what to get, she held up a big piece. “Can you cut this in half. It’s just me at home now.”

This is a common request that we always grant. I guess a lot of other stores don’t because people always seem really grateful. Now that I’m older and less cute I get less of this, but sometimes this becomes a way for customers to advertise their availability, either to me and my co-workers or to other customers. “I really wish I had someone to share this with”, “It’s just me at home, that’s the way it’s gonna be I guess (sigh)”, and “Since I became single I can’t buy as much cheese, did I mention that I’m single now?” are all exact quotes from over the counter.

Retail can be a real glimpse into the loneliness of society.

Anyways, when my co-worker (who also is privy to these glimpses) offered me the cheese to cut down I responded, as I so often do, with obnoxiousness. “Ma’am, I will cut that cheese down for you but I don’t get paid to discuss your inability to form a lasting relationship.”

My co-worker laughed hard. It was a loud gaspy laugh. It was a laugh that could be heard far into the next aisle. However, I hadn’t seen the customer on the other side of the Parmigiano Reggiano who heard the entire exchange. She looked horrified, grabbed her basket and headed towards the milk section.

“Hey,” I yelled after her. “It’s ok, she works here!” I couldn’t tell if she heard me.



*It’s an American copy of the Forsterkase that we were all raving about in December. You know, the “like walking through the bacon forrest in fall” cheese

Comments

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

haha. of course it was harsh, that's why it was funny! I wouldn't have said it if I had seen someone else there though.

I am totally an over-sharer and appreciate it in others. I think it's part of my Northern California heritage. But I also think (and i wrote a big piece on this years ago if you care to follow the "retail theory" tag) that in a crumbling, greed-oriented society, retailers become defacto social service agents and therapists.

[sdn.livejournal.com]

i think you're right about retailers becoming therapists; i would add that this has been the province of hairdressers and bartenders for years.

also, that really is a series of overshares! ::shudders:: then again, i am a new yorker.

[badgerbag.livejournal.com]

I came to understand it in the 90s when I was disabled the first time. Often for days my only human contact and my big treat was the 2 minute chat with the post office clerk, or the woman who pumped my gas. I didn't have any money, so even my retail-chatting opportunities were few.

It was sad but that's how it was and now I am a little more forgiving of old, desperate, oversharing chatty people.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Yup, this is why I like you.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

awww, thanks.

[trixiefirecat.livejournal.com]

HA! i thought you were leading up to how maybe you never recognized your own co-worker.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

fooled you!

[uberconfused.livejournal.com]

Ha! That is f'ing hilarious.

And really, somebody said this to you: “Since I became single I can’t buy as much cheese, did I mention that I’m single now?” Now that's just desperate.

But gordonzola, you yourself are like a fine cheese that has only improved with age. Damn, I was trying to come up with a good cheese-counter flirt-line. But you can see how hopeless with that I am.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

Top Ten Cheese Counter Pick-up Lines. some reference LJ entries around that time and my by difficult to understand. Others are more obvious.

[uberconfused.livejournal.com]

I never realized how much cheese humor there is in the world. Those were excellent.

[jwz.livejournal.com]

Those first couple of paragraphs could have leaned more noir. Like, "She walked up to the counter with legs that went all the way up and just kept going. I knew she was here for two things, cheese and trouble, emphasis on the latter."

[serazin.livejournal.com]

I'm with you except I think it should be emphasis on the former.

[bugsinamber.livejournal.com]

I haven't taken a walk in a bacon forest (Swiss, American or otherwise) in many a moon...if ever. My life feels incomplete.

I'm going to come over there and give you my sad sack single line just so I can hear your response. You'll probably make some joke about cutting the cheese.

[rockgeisha.livejournal.com]

Ahaha, that's great.

Retail can be a real glimpse into the loneliness of society.

Oh, I'll bet--just like late nights at the hotel. I get more than a few people who've been kicked out for the night (at least).

[unemployia.livejournal.com]

yes, that is exactly what I was going to say: to comment on that perfect sentence: "Retail can be a real glimpse into the loneliness of society."

and OT - I am coming to the anarchist bookfair this year Gordon! I want to make some fliers for our events, do you have a place in Rainbow that you put up piles of little flyers for event to take?

!!Bacon Forest??!

[queen-beeanna.livejournal.com]

I want to live in a bacon forest year round. I wonder could I get that cheese up here?

[ayebee.livejournal.com]

My sister (a hairdresser) and I talk a lot about the role of the service worker as therapist/social worker, and she embraces it fully, despite the occasional boundary crossing. . .

Also, it can lead to some pretty funny stories, much like the one above.

“Since I became single I can’t buy as much cheese, did I mention that I’m single now?” Really? Was that directed at you? Not that you're not appealing, but wow, the lack of dignity hurts my heart a little.

[anarqueso.livejournal.com]

I really think you should stop picking on customers, Gordon. Let's discuss this at our next meeting.

[gypsypunkgirl.livejournal.com]

Ha. You rude bastard.

I've actually had the opposite experience. I'm quite happy being single most of the time, and will very normally ask, without any regret, sadness, or obvious side comment, for a smaller cut of cheese, a single fish fillet, or whatever. And on a number of occasions service people (okay, to be frank, only male service people) have taken it as an open invitation to discuss my personal life with me. "That's really ALL you want, just that little bitty bit? Just for you? How can that be? You mean to tell me someone like you has got no one at home to cook for??"

I realize these comments are meant to be compliments/flirts, but I find the underlying assumptions in them insulting/annoying on any number of levels. I just want my frickin' order, man.

[smushy.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA!!! That's beautiful.

And yes, bacon forest cheese sounds so omg good right now.

I'm swearing off refined sugar starting today, so I'm supplementing my diet with extra cheese. Are you working at cheese within pickup-line-distance tomorrow?