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[personal profile] gordonzola
Last week my co-workers got a call from a Swedish freelance journalist living in Berkeley. She was trying to confirm that we carried Vasterbotten cheese. She hadn’t seen it since she left home and was amazed that someone in the Bay Area had heard of it. Evidently, Vasterbotten is made in a town of like 8 people, all of whom work at the Vasterbotten factory. A 2000 word article and pictures ill appear next week. I’ll link it if there’s a link.

We started carrying Vasterbotten because one of our favorite customers kept asking us for it. Living up to every cliché, he is a Volvo mechanic with a heavy Swedish accent. He works a block away from our store so he hasn’t weaned himself from those Euro shopping patterns and we see him every day. Unlike I would assume however, he doesn’t drive at all. He’s actually quite a bike activist and politico. I also see him at demos cheering on the Black Bloc while drinking beer.

I brought in a wheel just for the hell of it. Immediately the ex-pat Swede community began rushing in to buy it. I even bought a bunch of wheels one weekend and we sampled it out. The were a lot more mixed reactions than usual with a sample cheese but I assumed there would be because it really is odd. Some loved it, describing it as like a cross between sharp cheddar and Havarti with an extra punch of something. Others said the taste of burnt plastic turned them off. [livejournal.com profile] anarqueso made a sign for it that mentioned our mechanic friend and described it as "indescribable" asking for people to suggest their own adjectives. My distributor began calling me the "Vasterbotten King" since they were only bringing it over to the West Coast for our store.

Thursday the reporter came into the store, interviewed me, the mechanic, and a co-worker who spoke fluent Swedish. That co-worker had called her mother earlier in the day to ask if she had ever heard of the cheese and her mother imediately demanded she bring some the next time she visits. The reporter also brought a photographer who took pictures of Americans eating Vasterbotten and of the display we made extra pretty for the event. A surprising number of other customers and workers also spoke some Swedish.

Everyone was gathered around the cheese laughing loudly, and speaking Oingie-Boingie like the chef on the Muppet Show. The mechanic started rousting other customers, demanding they try the cheese and saying, "It’s good, no?" The cheese counter became a Swedish party spot for over an hour! [livejournal.com profile] magpiesf can verify all of this because he was there.

Friday I went to a memorial for my old friend Ron. He met his wife V in Sweden and visited often. Eight or nine Swedes came for the funeral and they sang a Swedish hymn that had been sung at his widow’s grandfather’s funeral. Ron had told his wife how much he liked that song at the time.

They stood up in front of a crowd filled with iron workers and stiffly funeral-dressed old-Californians. They stood close to each other for support and sang the hmm while crying. It reminded me of movies of the old west where the new ethnic group wins the respect of the other settlers because even though they have their strange ways, suffering and respect for traditions of mourning are universal. One singer, I was told his name but am blanking on many of the day’s details, let out a uncontrollable yelp of suffering as they finished and he made his way back to his seat.. It was an unmistakable sound of pure pain; part wounded animal, part loss, part awareness of how fucked up it is for a 36 year old to die so young and stupidly.

In a ceremony that was mostly about a Ron I didn’t know, that sound alone bashed me over the head with the reality he wouldn’t be back. That sound by itself made me sob.

I told V that I would bring some cheese and bread to her house later in the evening for a small gathering. I of course brought way too much and when I got there, I saw that most of the uneaten buffet from the ceremony had been brought as well. No one was really eating. I put most of what I brought in the fridge so her and her relatives could eat it later. When I greeted her, her eyes were pained and unfocused. "I brought some Swedish cheese," I said for lack of anything better. She likes good food and she looked dubious and a little disappointed. Obviously I wasn’t really expecting it to make her feel better, I was just trying to be thoughtful and struggling for words. "…Vasterbotten?" I continued.

I wouldn’t say her face lit up. There was way too much grief to be lifted by anything that night. But she did get a little animated. "Vasterbotten is like our Parmigiano Reggiano," she said. "You have to tell XXXX you brought it," pointing out a tear-soaked friend with bleached blond hair.

I went over to where she was sitting and introduced myself as an old friend of Ron’s. "V wanted me to tell you I brought Vasterbotten," I said. Like it was a party or something. I immediately felt stupid. She just looked at me not knowing exactly what to say.

There’s a confusing aspect to memorials and grief. They’re part reunion of the living and part pure suffering. During the last few days there were times I was just happy to hang out with people who I hadn’t seen in awhile. But then I’d remember why we were together and that sadness can come back with even fuller weight when I realize I had an disloyal moment of laughter and non-pain.

Date: 2004-02-02 08:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jinxremoving.livejournal.com
this entry was very powerful.

Re:

Date: 2004-02-02 11:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gordonzola.livejournal.com
Thanks, Nine.

Date: 2004-02-02 08:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemon-says.livejournal.com
This made me get a little pang. Beautiful story, G.

Re:

Date: 2004-02-02 11:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gordonzola.livejournal.com
Thanks, Red.

Date: 2004-02-02 09:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] susanstinson.livejournal.com
It does, this moves me. Vasterbotten, and what might keep its taste in the middle of big grief, pain and loss. So sorry to hear about the death of your friend.

Re:

Date: 2004-02-03 05:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gordonzola.livejournal.com
weird, I though I posted a thanks to you yesterday. Thanks for the kind words.

Date: 2004-02-02 09:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dirtylibrarian.livejournal.com
Thanks so much for sharing this. Though I know it doesn't compare, I'm mourning our dog we had to put down this weekend, and I totally know what you mean about the weight of sadness, and feeling disloyal to let the pain go for even a bit.

Plus I really enjoyed reading about the cheese and wish I could get some here in Seattle! I'm sure there must be a market for it. But then again, you would think you could get a good Swedish breakfast around here, too, and you can't.

Re:

Date: 2004-02-02 11:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gordonzola.livejournal.com
comparing mourning and sadness is hurtful and a waste of time. pain is pain on some level.

It confuses me that Vasterbotten is not available up there.

Date: 2004-02-02 09:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anarqueso.livejournal.com
Who knew that revolting cheese could end up associated with strong emotions and good writing, rather than chlorine and burnt tires? Thanks. I still hate it, but thanks.
From: [identity profile] gordonzola.livejournal.com
Maybe we should market as the official "cheese of mourning" since no one can taste food anyway when they're grieving.

BTW, the cheese selection at the memorial was very well done and all Californian. Humboldt Fog, Dry Jack, and Pt. Reyes Blue.
From: [identity profile] missaggrevation.livejournal.com
Oh geez, Point Reyes Blue. There is also a chevre from Sonoma County that is to die for, but you probably know that, huh? You have my dream job.
From: [identity profile] gordonzola.livejournal.com
There's more than one chevre from Sonoma. Which one do you like?

cheese porn

Date: 2004-04-10 08:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] missaggrevation.livejournal.com
I think its Goat Hills? Goat Hill Farms, maybe. Made in Sebastopol, I believe. Brilliant with fig spread.

Date: 2004-02-02 10:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] goodbadgirl.livejournal.com
It isn't disloyal to laugh G. The dead prefer it I'm sure. Thinking of you and Jacko and sending some love.

Re:

Date: 2004-02-02 11:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gordonzola.livejournal.com
No, I know, I know. But there's the whole heirarchy of mourners thing. If I was close family or whatever, I'd feel more empowered to laugh. As an old friend who hadn't seen him much lately, laughter can be hurtful to those who are still in shock and more actively pained. It's bad to look at it that way, but hard not to sometimes.

Date: 2004-02-02 10:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whipsmartgirl.livejournal.com
I know what you mean about the disloyal part. I remember being at my father's funeral just over a year ago and telling stories and laughing with my Uncle (from my mother's side). It was surreal though because my father's body was lying in a casket not 30 feet away. Still, my father loved story telling, and I felt that he would've appreciated the fact that we were sharing these moments from his life in that moment.

This is the beauty that can be derived from death--connecting and reconnecting with people you care about. And really, is it so wrong to want to celebrate life when we are reminded of our own mortality?

p.s. who knew there were so many Swedes in SF? I thought they were all here in the midwest. ;)

Re:

Date: 2004-02-02 11:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gordonzola.livejournal.com
all true Whipsmart, all true. Thanks.

Date: 2004-02-02 11:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tuliphead.livejournal.com
thank you for sharing this; this was an especially moving and well-written entry. my condolences and sympathies for your loss, as well - it seems like so many people have had a shitty month, and i hope things look up for you soon.
i want to come get some Vasterbotten!

Re:

Date: 2004-02-02 11:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gordonzola.livejournal.com
See anarqueso's description of it first and buy at your own risk!

and thanks.

Re:

Date: 2004-02-06 01:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tuliphead.livejournal.com
i came in on wednesday (didn't see you, i think) and bought some vasterbotten, among other things. we LOVE it. last night we grated it over some fresh pumpkin gnocchi (also purchased at your fine establishment) and it was incredible. the moldy bits can taste like burnt plastic a bit, but i don't dislike them. delicious, delicious. thank you so much!

also, zeitgeist rules.

Date: 2004-02-02 05:04 pm (UTC)

Date: 2004-02-02 07:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magpiesf.livejournal.com
i read this post pretty hurriedly while dropping through the office at work today, and knew then that i had to come back and read it again later when i had more time to appreciate it, cause it was a gem.

yes, it WAS the swedish party spot - i do wish i had actually stayed a bit after the journalist arrived - but i had to get going, id been hanging around for a long time, even for my trips to rainbow. our friend the volvo mechanic was having a field day. it was truly great.

but nicely woven together - the almost sheer absurdity of the swedish cheese madness, and the solemnity of your friends memorial... [personal profile] anarqueso was muttering about the feeling you put into this post, and shes right. im beating her to the comment, which isnt really fair, cause she thought it first, but shes right. i wanna say youve done a really good job of conveying your feelings here, but then i end up sounding like a teacher grading a paper. but im taking the time to say "hey. this is a really great bit" - which is the type of comment i usually dont post.

i understand that whole disloyal feeling thing though - the one you get when youre having a chuckle or a brief moment of forgetting that youre supposed to be mourning at someones memorial. i always end up with one or more of those moments in those situations, and theres always that pang of, well, not guilt, but yeah - i guess disloyalty is it. typically i end up convincing myself that thats how whoever it is being memorialized would want it - for people who knew them, but didnt know each other, or maybe handt seen each other in ages, to have a moment of levity in their meeting at such an otherwise solemn occassion. i can usually convince myself, but that doesnt stop the pangs.

Date: 2004-02-03 05:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] captain-grim.livejournal.com
I agree with others that it wasn't a disloyal thought. I think that funerals need that aspect of comedy to remember the good times with that person. I'm a big believer in the jewish shiva, which is meant to be both a celebration and a reflection. The cheese thing was perfect, and I hope that it gave the other people some food for thought.

Date: 2004-02-03 05:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lth.livejournal.com
You've had too much grief lately. There's some solace in the fact that your writing about it brilliantly, but still.

Date: 2004-02-03 08:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obliviot.livejournal.com
that pained yelp affected me in the same way G. It was in that fraction of a second that I realized that I would never see Ron again. I loved this post....so would have Ron.

Re:

Date: 2004-02-03 05:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gordonzola.livejournal.com
Thanks K. I wish you two had been able to stay longer. Zeitgeist was the perfect thing to do on saturday.

Re:

Date: 2004-02-04 01:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] obliviot.livejournal.com
I agree and you know that I am such a big fan for the punk rock theme bars ...had to get a t-shirt ...... and a hat

it was perfect

Date: 2004-02-08 04:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psoup.livejournal.com
fantastic seeing you and J again, and going to Zeitgeist was a great idea.I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to catch up with you, G.
It's been quite a rocky year, hasn't it? What would we do without our friends? I'm overwhelmed with grief and gratitude, cramming in so much friend and family time is hard in a 4 day period.
This post hit the nail on the head - when the Swedes sang, watching them, my heart was pounding in my chest, tears flowing.
Come out and see us sometime - there is always room for you.
xoxoxo
I'll be sending pics soon

Date: 2004-02-03 05:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mazette.livejournal.com
I can't afford cheese and I am craving it so!
Maybe I will come see you at the cheesecounter someday. We should hang out or something sometime i dunno.

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