I'm glad I had a witness so that I didn't think the voices were coming from my head.

[gordonzola]

Fancy Food Show week started early for me. A well-known American cheesemaker stopped by the store Friday morning to drop off some new samples. She’s from the East Coast and hadn’t been to our store before though I have talked to her at many cheese events.

I’m so glad she did because she got to witness an amazing customer/cheese worker interaction.

We were chatting in the little cheese cutting area when a customer came up. Observing the proper rules of store visits, the cheesemaker and her handler (a local rep) stepped back and stopped talking so I could help the customer.

An older woman with an accent, German Swiss I think, held up a piece of Prima Donna.* Because of the price of the cheese, we cut it through the middle so that we can sell pieces between $3-$6 dollars.

"You have ruined this cheese." She declares.

"Uh, what do you mean?" I ask.

"When you cut it in half, you ruin the flavor."

""Uh, what do you mean?" I ask.

"All the flavor is in the middle. When you cut it down the center, all the flavor runs out. I know, I come from a cheesemaking family."

"OK," I say, not knowing what else to say to this. Eventually we agree that we will cut her a 2 lb. piece with an undefiled middle the next time we cut that cheese. She goes away mollified. Well Known Cheesemaker says nothing, but I can see in her eyes that she jut gained more respect for retailers.

Of course, because this always happens to customers like this, anarqueso totally forgot about the special order when she cut Prima Donna on Monday. And we couldn’t get another wheel until this coming Friday. Luckily, the woman of cheesemaker stock called back and declared that Prima Donna wasn’t actually the cheese she wanted at all and would call back when she figured out what it was she wanted.

I can’t wait.



*Prima Donna (blue) is a copy of Parrano. Basically a Dutch aged gouda with added Italian starter cultures that make it taste more aged than it is. This explains the Parrano ad campaigns that have brought us such winner slogans as, "The Dutch cheese that thinks it’s Italian", "Move over Parmesan!" and "Sort of Italian".

Comments

[fightingwords.livejournal.com]

i LOVE that it's called "prima donna."

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

I know. perfect for this occasion.

[slutbunwalla.livejournal.com]

Seriously, you couldn't make up a better name for the moment.

[elusis.livejournal.com]

I thought it was a cheese alias, until I read further!

[captain-grim.livejournal.com]

that was very civil of you. i would have chased her out of the store with a meat cleaver. think of how impressed the cheesemaker would have been then!

[fightingwords.livejournal.com]

a man after my own heart....

hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[postmaudlin.livejournal.com]

A well-known American cheesemaker stopped by the store Friday morning to drop off some new samples. She’s from the East Coast and hadn’t been to our store before though I have talked to her at many cheese events.

I’m so glad she did because she got to witness an amazing customer/cheese worker interaction.

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[chitinous.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, that's exactly where I thought this was going as well.
From the title and first few paragraphs, I thought it was going to be supernatural cheese porn.

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[postmaudlin.livejournal.com]

YUP. I think I'm still a bigger fan of the big tough delivery guy, but this'll do...

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[chitinous.livejournal.com]

Oh, if only Sarge had made a cameo in this story...

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[postmaudlin.livejournal.com]

I know. It's really not the same without Sarge, is it? I'd like to see Sarge punish him for his ill-advised cheese defilement!

the new slash

[chitinous.livejournal.com]

"You wanna talk worker/owner, boy? I'm gonna work you til you know who OWNS you, cheese boy. You need to learn how to treat a lady!" Sarge handed the customer a length of plastic wrap, and indicated that she should use it to secure Gordonzola's hands to the walk-in shelf. She did, carefully, and looked to Sarge for her next command.

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

see reply to Final_girl

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Gods, he's been hanging around us way too much, hasn't he?

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[postmaudlin.livejournal.com]

Hard to say. I think he's likely always been this filthy. We are just attuned to hear it!

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

you're the pro. is there a market for my brand of cheesemonger porn?

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[warsop.livejournal.com]

The next paragraph goes with the porn storyline, too, especially since the cheesemaker came with her own handler:

We were chatting in the little cheese cutting area when a customer came up. Observing the proper rules of store visits, the cheesemaker and her handler (a local rep) stepped back and stopped talking so I could help the customer.

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[postmaudlin.livejournal.com]

*wakkawakka TWANG wakkawakka TWANG*

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

you're a dirty birdie.

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

[chitinous.livejournal.com]

And you're not.

[jette.livejournal.com]

All the flavor is in the middle. When you cut it down the center, all the flavor runs out.

I am imagining little cartoon cheese wedges (with you know, white gloves and lace up shoes) scurrying around store, hiding.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

that is adorable. and rather wholesome compared to those filthy-minded folks who commented before you did.

[jette.livejournal.com]

[hotelsamurai.livejournal.com]

All the flavor is in the middle. When you cut it down the center, all the flavor runs out.

I bet she ties the cord in a knot after she unplugs the toaster, so the electricity doesn't leak out. Sheesh.

[jackbrinks.livejournal.com]

I enjoy Parrano quite a bit. Not surprising as Gouda is one of my favorites. I'll try this 'sort of Italian' Prima Donna some time.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

yeah, I do really like parrano despite its annoying slogans. Try the 4 yr. Saenkanter sometime. That cheese is amazing, but pricier.

[rootlesscosmo.livejournal.com]

New slogan: "All the flavor is in the middle! Buy the whole wheel, you insecure food doofus!"

f*cking cheese snobs!

[dairryiere.livejournal.com]

I hate that!

"I can't eat that, you cut it right through the heart!"

90% of my customers want the pieces tiny not just because of price but because they don't want to be tempted to eat 1/2 lb of cheese in 1 sitting.

[crosley-bendix.livejournal.com]

I love reading about your interactions with food snobs. Thanks for posting this.

[flipping-hades.livejournal.com]

You just used "blue" and "Dutch aged gouda" within a sentence's proximity of each other. I once got a blue gouda at the Cheese Board (kind of like Old Amsterdam, only sharper, cut through with streaks of blue. Or like Huntsman, but with gouda). Do you know of anything like that? It was wonderful.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

false alarm. the blue refers to the label. there's a red label one that is more aged and is a copy of Old Amsterdam.

we did just get in a blue gouda. Haven't tried it yet.

[flipping-hades.livejournal.com]

Guess it's become a trigger phrase for me. It was a memorable cheese!

[ayodele.livejournal.com]

"flavor in the middle"?

i'd hate to see the cows she's used to.

[freshwater-pr0n.livejournal.com]

I'm going to have to save that line and use it someday.

"I know! I come from a cheesemaking family!"

Excuse me,

[slutbunwalla.livejournal.com]

but your name is hilarious!
:^D

Re: Excuse me,

[freshwater-pr0n.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[ilipodscrill.livejournal.com]

i'm curious if it was the same dutch woman who was trying to school me & anarqueso recently and said "i know, i'm from a cheesemaking family." made me wanna push her off a steep cliff.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

oh, I bet it is...

[anarqueso.livejournal.com]

It's got to be. She was all twitchy because the young goat gouda wasn't precisely the age, texture, and flavor that it was the time before. Didn't want her money back, just wanted to give me a wedgie about it, because she's from a cheesemaking family and has an accent and knows what's what.

I nearly garrotted her.

[whimsicalpops.livejournal.com]

If she's from Gouda one of the cheese wheels must of fallen on her head at an early age. And that's Gouda with a spitting from the back of the throat towards the teeth longating the "ou" in the middle.

[walktheplank.livejournal.com]

"You have ruined this cheese." She declares.

Honey, you need to get over that shit.

[slipkid.livejournal.com]

I read the comic strip "Rhymes with Orange" today in the Chron and thought of you.

[thewindrose.livejournal.com]

I now have an image in my head of all the "cheese flavor" being like a gas in the center of the cheese. The minute you cut it, it hisses out and forms a Prima Donna Cheese gas cloud over your head.

It makes me wonder if she had gotten the piece she'd special ordered how she would have eaten it. Perhaps she would have tries to eat the wheel whole or maybe she has an idea where in the center all the cheese flavor is, and cuts carefully around it.

[missaggrevation.livejournal.com]

i was in berkeley this weekend and when i told my friend your clever name he totally flipped and wanted to stalk you so bad. but, alas, i wouldn't let him.