What happens next?

[gordonzola]

This was found outside my workplace yesterday morning. Regular paper, weird capitalization pattern and lack of apostrophes, but no misspellings. Standard handwritten American English formation of letters. Clean, easy to read handwriting.

Dear dad I know you Love and Care about me. I Know you Want whats best for your daughter. Right Now the relationship that I am in is just starting. I know that I Love (common male name withheld) Very much but Im not too Sure he feels the Same Way. I don’t want money to be the reason because he Can’t be bought. Offering him a Surplus of money because hes my man isn’t good. I want a man to Want Me for me. Dad, I’m really ready to straighten up my life, especially that Im Pregnant. I know I’m your only (illegible, probably "daughter") now, but it " ...

Your assignments:

1. Please complete this letter in the way you think it should end.
2. Is it real? discuss.

Comments

[crazyrants.livejournal.com]

randomly found stuff is neat

http://www.foundmagazine.com/

[vestalvixen.livejournal.com]

I think it's real. in fact it sounds like that Lifetime movie where Robert Urich kept killing off his daughters' husbands, and none of them caught on to it.

[(Anonymous)]

Use of the word surplus is suspect, especially with the odd capitalization errors.

[nuncstans.livejournal.com]

I agree. I have to say that this note reminds me of COINTELPRO letters pretending to be from wacky activists, because they never got the difference between "slang" and "anything made up and kinda ignorant sounding." I would guess that it's a "real letter" from a Xtian fundy publication.

I think what happens next is that the girl says, "and I promise 30% of my income to the Church to Save My Soul and never do Nothing Bad Never again."

[purejuice.livejournal.com]

handwritten argues for authenticity; so do the turning down the money, syntax, and capitalization; familiarity with para-literate writing of the under-educated majority of americans would confirm the point.
is it a found object, or was it directed to your place of work?
the sci fi paranoia involved in saying it's written by cointelpro blows me away.

[nuncstans.livejournal.com]

I apparently wasn't clear. I DON'T THINK THE LETTER WAS WRITTEN BY COINTELPRO. I just meant to point out the particular tactic of random capitalization I've seen in FBI letters written to, like, Ebony magazine, where they'd pretend to be anonymous regular people.

[hadaly.livejournal.com]

I don't know what it is, nuncstans, but it seems you've been prone to being misunderstood lately.

[reddawn.livejournal.com]

. . . would Really help if you Backed the Fuck Up and stopped Messing with my Man. If you really want to Help us, Please put the money in a College Savings account for your future Grandchild. I Love you dad, but I'm an Adult now. Don't do to me what you Did to my sister. Love Always,______

Honestly, I don't think it's all that odd in the grand scheme of things. Someone pointed out Found Magazine already, so if you've read it you've seen weirder things by far. I'm way more intrigued by what might have happened to the other daughter she alludes to. I think it sounds ominous.

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

In reverse order:

2. I believe it's real.

1 & 1/2: That does not mean, however, that I think my ending is real.

1 & 1/4: Then again, you never know.

1. ". . . doesnt mean I want me and my man to take Serena's place in the Family Business that got her Murdered. If you keep trying to Bribe (common male name withheld) with the Surplus from your Drug Sales and Car Theft to shut him up about how you made me Pregnant, Im afraid (common male name withheld) will Want to Join the Family Business and then I wont be Able to straighten up my life."

[bebopmonkey.livejournal.com]

thats really really creepy.

"...would be nice if You just left me alone. Stop giving me money!"

I dont see why it wouldnt be real, though.

[candywarhol.livejournal.com]

"...is Time that I try to make it on My Own. Afterall, I do have a Hit television show Now. Love Always, Paris Hilton"

[whimsicalpops.livejournal.com]

bothers me That you Wont take responsiblity for turning Me over to the Aliens who impregnated me. (common male name withheld) promised he will Be there for me and th Alien baby no matter how Green it may be. I don't want your Cash I just need lots of 3 legged diapers after the birth.

I think someone from lj dropped the letter right in front of the store as they saw you coming out to see what you would do with it.

2.

[chitinous.livejournal.com]

"...Feels Like this is the right thing to Do. There are Alot of things you dont know about me Which I Want very much to share with you, and I feel that this letter is a good Start. (Common male name withheld) and I met At Church. Have You Accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior? I did, and now Im Pregnant with His Child. Jesus is Known publically as (common male name withheld) as a Cover Story since surely His life would be in great Danger if everyone knew. Maybe this sounds Crazy to you but it is All True and I hope you can accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior as well as the Father of your Grandchild.

Love,
Agnes"

[ericaceous.livejournal.com]

I think it's a new kind of pulp fiction serial story. Intended for pennydreadfuls, it somehow escaped cyberspace and drifted around SF, to finally land near your store.