Tattoos, punks, and pool

[gordonzola]

This thread deserves a post of its own. What’s the worst tattoo you have? What’s the worst tattoo you’ve ever seen?

And what’s up with the Epicenter worst tattoo competition? I never heard about it. slanderous? arispurr? kittynitro? radcarrots? lapsed? Don’t hold out on me. I don’t remember that. Was it after my time there?

I remember holding an informal poll about my tattoo idea there. Young Emma or old Emma? I never got that tattoo because I decided I didn’t really want it, but I was thinking of it because I have never seen a man get a tattoo of a woman who was a public figure. I mean, you see guys sometimes with their heroes or whatever, but the only women you ever see on men are either relatives or some kind of stupid sexist shit. Then I decided that I didn’t really want a picture of another person on my body.

Cheese on the other hand…

Speaking of Epicenter, you know what one of my favorite moments was? The pool tournament. It was near the beginning back before anyone was hating on each other. We were playing on the totally warped and fucked-up table salvaged from the Verbal Abuse house. All the factions of punk were represented and had dressed up a little. Mohawks were gelled, gutter punks had a fresh drunk on, straight-edgers were tidy and boring-looking, crusties were extra shiny. Every time someone sank a shot people would applaud quietly and politely like it was a golf tournament. This drove Tim Yo crazy, which encouraged us to keep at it.

And to bring this full circle, that was the day after I got my first tattoo. Btw, I should have won the tournament but I eight-ball scratched.

Comments

[hydrozoa.livejournal.com]

i dated a guy briefly who had a flaming devil's head on his pec. a devil isn't really the worst tattoo ever, but you couldn't ignore it, right on his chest. like i could see it in my mind, burning through his shirt, whenever i looked at him. pretty much ruined sex.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

I can't think of anything to say here that's not inappropriate.

I've often thought that pecs were really bad places for tattoos. Very rarely do I think they look good.

redneck

[coconuthead.livejournal.com]

This one my brother has (see icon) is bad only because it's my brother, and he wasn't drunk when he got it.

He told me about a guy he knew who had eyeballs tattooed on his ass. That always makes me laugh.

I am tattooless. I'd rather draw on myself with marker--that way I can have a variety of stupid things on my skin, but don't have to live with it forever.

Re: redneck

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

awesome!

[lemon-says.livejournal.com]

I saw a tat in a magazine once that took up a fat man's entire belly. It was two cartoon pigs having sex (AND you could see the enlarged parts) and over it, in letters that looked like wood with nails holding them together it said "MAKIN BACON."

Yes, really.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

now that's committment ot performance art!

[slanderous.livejournal.com]

I think the worst tattoo contest must have been after my time, although I'm trying to think of who could have won, had it been during my tenure at Epicenter.

I remember hearing about the pool tournament, which was before I got there, and how much the golf-clapping pissed off Tim Yo! But of course, it wasn't hard to piss him off, was it? :) Who won? Was it Christopher? (I know he won against Tait during their mini-tournament.) Wasn't the pool table wonky?

And who discovered that Scott from the Switchboard had painted the bottom of the table with some huge Satanic symbol?

On that note, I think Scott would have won for worst tattoo. Yikes.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure Timojhen won.

and oh Scott... wait, wasn't it "Skot"? I forgot about his tattoo. refresh my memory, wasn't it one of those under-my-skin-I'm-really-a-machine ones?

that pool table was the wonkiest. In the tourney, the good players got eliminated first whereas those of us who just fucked around on the EZ table advanced.

[slit.livejournal.com]

I'm sure tupelo wins this contest. (That is, her stories of being involved with a tattoo artist, not her own tattoos.)

[substitute.livejournal.com]

Our local schizophrenic/druggie/chess genius has a bat tattooed on his chin.

which reminds me

[cordiloquy.livejournal.com]

[walktheplank.livejournal.com]

The dead mermaid really takes the cake.

Yoonie (who is ink-free) once told me the story of a girl who ran into the tattoo parlor while one of her friends was getting some work done:

The girl looks around, and says "I need to get a tattoo within the next 45 minutes! Why don't you just give me something in Chinese?"

(Scavenger hunt? Sorority initiation rites? WTF?)

Anyways, the tattoo artists went into the back of the room, and put together the worst combination of Kanji symbols that they could think of: "Secret Constipation." On the lower back, of course.

My own tattoo horror story involved the downstairs neighbors. I had just gotten my first tattoo, and somehow word had gotten 'round. So the neighbor walks up to me in the local coffeeshop, asks to see my new tattoo, and then lifts up his pants leg to reveal a bunch of crusty scabs and random squiggles in blue-black ink.

"Check it out, man! We just got our own tattoo gun! I was doodling on my leg last night."

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

So I have a question. In the tattoo that you discuss in the linked comment, how could you tell Jesus was raping that nun? How do you know it wasn't consensual nun-sex?

[sparkle-shortz.livejournal.com]

For me it's a tie between the full-color pirate style parrot I once saw at Gay Pride, and the guy who had a clearly homemade, misshaped New York Yankees logo about five inches across covering an entire over-worked-out shoulder.

[wolfknuckles.livejournal.com]

ok, this is embarrassing. i once slept with a girl who had a picture of a smurf where her pubic hair should have been. note i said once.

when i was getting my tattoo done the tattooists were making fun of a guy who'd come in the day before and had the word "tattoo" done.

please please bklyndispatch tell the "fuck shoes" story!

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

a smurf? did you ask her why? I mean, I don't think it's obvious. I don't get it. unless one really likes smurfs. (smurfen?)

[wolfknuckles.livejournal.com]

ooooh i just thought of another one! there's a guy in the east new york bloods who has "fubu" in flames across his throat. he's also in a wheelchair due to a bullet to the spine and is generally one of the more frightening individuals i've had the pleasure of meeting, so if you ever see him, don't tell him that i think his tattoo is wack.

[ex-motel666812.livejournal.com]

Last night I was at a party talkin' to a hot girl who does piercing here in NOLA, and she had a friend who gave a girl The Worst Tattoo, ever.

The girl requested, and got:

A big cock shooting cum, on the front of her neck, about three inches under her chin. In script letters next to it, it said "#1 Cocksucker."

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo

[slanderous.livejournal.com]

that one totally wins WORST TATTOO EVER.

Face tattoos are usually the worst.

[commandercranky.livejournal.com]

I think the #1 Cocksucker wins - it beats even the nun-raping Jesus.

I have seen some terrible tattoos:

- Plenty of the Tasmanian Devil, including one with him glaring from someone's bicep, with a word bubble that says "FAH-Q!!". Another one had Taz with "dizzy lines" around his head, and a word bubble (again) saying "Me Party Too Much!" Oh lord, these are such pathetic duds.

- A stick-n-poke forehead tatoo that says RENEGADE in shaky lettering, one inch above the eyebrows, but only about a quarter-inch high text.

- Another face tattoo of single-line outline of a pegasus all across a guy's face, done in single blue/green home job ink. It covers his forehead, both cheeks, down to his chin.

- But the worst I've seen, by far, is the guy in New Orleans who has clown makeup tattooed to his whole fucking face. Sad clown, too. Big white outlines around his eyes, sad downturned mouth, cheeks, the whole shebang. He's part of that crew of crusties who turned into clowns. Woah.

Re: Face tattoos are usually the worst.

[slanderous.livejournal.com]

Wait, there's a bunch of crusties who turned into clowns?! Wuh?!

[tinymammoth.livejournal.com]

My old boss used to be the exterminator at San Quentin, and he supervised inmates. One of them had "FRESNO" tattooed on his eyelids.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

that's not bad. just a little hometown pride. I assume it was

"Fre" on one lid and "sno" on the other.

[walktheplank.livejournal.com]

The '#1 cocksucker' wins.



P.S. I think I wrote about this once already in my livejournal, but there was a skinhead I spotted on the #18 bus with a faded beer bottle tattooed on one side of his neck (it looked more like a birth mark), a Norwegian flag tattooed on his skull (huh?! why Norway?)... while the Gothic lettering along the base of neck spelled out the words "See you in Valhalla!"

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

Dude, the vikings came from Norway. The purest white people evar!

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

awww, well if it makes you feel better you might have the worst tattoo on my FL.

[loolica.livejournal.com]

cocksucker definitely wins.

but this one isn't bad.



what are they going to do to him?

(and this reminds me of when i used to be a union negotiator, well, that one time, and the only advice the previous negotiating team gave us was, "if you are going to use the meeting room in the library, make sure you get there first so you can have your back to the painting. let management stare at the painting." it was this painting



by attila richard lukacs.)

(half way through negotiations the painting was "mysteriously" removed.)

[dairryiere.livejournal.com]

That painting? I am beyond speechless....

[substitute.livejournal.com]

klikitak reported a drunken get-worst-tat session among some crustypunk friends. The results were a fairly tame bicycle, a full color set of spiderman feet going up to the knees, and my favorite: writing on the right cheek that said THIS IS NOT A FACE

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

assuming you don't mean butt cheek, that's very Magritte. Very intellectual for crusties.

[miss-geek.livejournal.com]

my little brother has four dots on his side.
him and his friends decided one night that they would get one dot tattooed on their side.

the four of them couldn't agree on a size for the dot.

so they each have four dots of varying sizes.

i have a circle with an x in it on my arm, it was supposed to mean something.

unfortunately we were drinking beer all night and really it just looks like i have an x-men tattoo. my friend was smart enough to get hers somewhere that she could hide.

oops.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

dot size doesn't seem to be worth arguing about but at least the whole thing is probably small. and I thought you had a straight-edge tattoo until you said you were drinking beer. heh.

not the worst, but cute in a bad way.

[tlacuiloliztli.livejournal.com]

my dad has these tattoos of skunks right above the bend of the knees. on one leg he has a boy skunk with a flower with hearts around his head and on his other he has a girl skunk with little hearts around her head.

he got them in prison.

Re: not the worst, but cute in a bad way.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

awwwwwww. This totally makes me like your dad.

maybe you should get a similar ones with bunnies?

[rearwindow.livejournal.com]

my friend H has the best worst tattoo in the world. it is sideways on his shin and says SHIT in blue. and he did it himself!
he also has a stick figure with a mohawk somewhere on his arm which he did himself.

he rocks!

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

well at least he didn't pay for a "Shit" tattoo.

[freshwater-pr0n.livejournal.com]

A highly ornate scrollwork frame around a huge, hairy mole.

Or anyone with one of those creepy, photorealistic portraits of their dead grandpa. Le barf.

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

ewwwww. to both.

[dairryiere.livejournal.com]

I enter myself in the worst tatoo contest.
A much beloved friend and I gave each other tattoos one night while we were drinking (always a bad idea), we are both not bad artist sober, but by the time it came to my turn we were both wasted.
I was feeling sentimental so I asked her to give me a cribbage board on my ankle. I have only had one person in the last 14 years figure out what it was. some people ask if it's an eraser, can of soda, block of cheese, or a domino. It drives friends who are tatoo artist crazy that I don't want it covered up or "fixed".

Worst I've seen. A crusty aquaintance was showing me this lawn mower he had just gotten tattooed above his pubic hair so he could shave a strip out and make it look like the mower had done it when a guy standing just outside the tattoo studio said "Oh yeah, well I've got a bitch tattooed to my dick." And unfortunately he pulled it out and showed me the gagged "bitch" that looked like she was tied to his penis. Uggghhhh!
I think this was at Miller Cottons in Berkeley.

[dairryiere.livejournal.com]

and I enter myself in the worst spelling/typing contest

here's a good one

[akki.livejournal.com]

even though I don't think it beats #1 cocksucker

Re: here's a good one

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

that's very meta for a bad tattoo.

Badness

[kayisgay.livejournal.com]

The place, in Whitley Bay, where I got my first tattoo specialised in portraiture. I saw a photo of a guy there with a life-size Phil Lynott face on his back.
Also, there's this dyke I sometimes see around with a tat of crossed tennis rackets with Martina forever underneath.

Re: Badness

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

Martina forever! hahahahahaha! That kinda rules.

[defenestr8r.livejournal.com]

you know you've made it big when jwz dedicates an entire entry to one of your posts. ;)

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

I'd like to thank all the little blogs that helped make this possible.