Negativity on parade

jette, in her own display of San Francisco-living angst, made a should-I-move-away-from-San-Francisco post. She had the wonderful idea of trying the find your spot website for suggestions. I blatantly stole her idea. Consider it a meme. Here are the top suggestions I received (which were actually fairly similar to hers):

Portland, Oregon City of Roses
Wow, Portland. I never thought of that!

I considered making up some stuff, but I don’t really have anything negative to say about Portland. It’s just that it would feel way too much like starting over, moving to a(nother) city full of young hipsters.

Albuquerque, New Mexico The Pulse of New Mexico
I was in Albuquerque in 1984. My best friends grandparents got altitude sick and we flew in to drive their car back to the Bay Area. We stayed with his cousin in an apartment complex filled with 20 year olds who partied all the time. Cousin told us that the altitude makes you get fucked up faster when you drink.

Little Rock, Arkansas Where America Comes Together
Nice slogan for a town who’s first image that pops to mind is troops protecting small Black children trying to go to school. Think they hired a PR firm for that?

San Francisco, California The Golden Gate City
The towers of this city's Golden Gate Bridge are purposely out of alignment in order to compensate for the curvature of the earth...
Wow, I didn’t know that. And when did "The Golden Gate City" become our slogan?

Sacramento, California The River City
uh … no

Baltimore, Maryland The Sparkling Harbor City
If I wanted to move to the East Coast this is probably where I’d go. But I don’t. I have friends there and I love the "Hon" thing and the cheap housing.

San Jose, California The Silicon Capital
This city is home to Lou's Living Donut Museum, a combination donut shop and museum with tours and a secret recipe.
The donut museum makes it more appealing but San Ho is WAY TOO HOT for me. And talk about your sprawl…

Honolulu, Hawaii America’s Tropical Paradise
Like Hawaii needs more white people. And if I did move to Hawaii, it would be to around Hilo.

Oakland, California East Bay Living
Yup, the Beast. It’s always a possibility despite the heat.

Las Vegas, Nevada Entertainment Capital of the World
Ladies' Home Journal called this one of its Best Cities for Women,
What do you think confabulator? Should I?

Washington, District of Columbia The World's Greatest Capital
I must have clicked the "I like museums" box.

Providence, Rhode Island New England’s Best Kept Secret
Now there’s a slogan. Might as well say "we’re unpopular, but working on it"

San Diego, California California’s First City
…
Orange County, California Live The California Dream
Are they high? What could ever make me move to these hell holes?

New Haven, Connecticut Home of Yale University
I’ve heard good things about New Haven. But I think they were lies.

New Orleans, Louisiana The Crescent City
Maybe if motel666 joins defenenst8r there …I loved it the one time I visited. Of course, I didn’t have to do anything but wake up at 1 PM and start drinking because it was vacation.

Eugene, Oregon The Emerald City
Home of the primitivist anarchists and John Zerzan. No thanks.

Corvallis, Oregon Heart of the Willamette Valley
If I’m going to Oregon, it’s gotta be the coast.

Long Beach, California LA’s Ocean Playground
…
Santa Barbara, California The American Riviera
Maybe I’m just putting these together out of ignorance, I don’t know. But if I’m moving to SoCal, it’s gonna be to the city.

Hartford, Connecticut The Insurance Capital
Please tell me something about this town other than its "The Insurance Capital". Anyone?

Boston, Massachusetts America’s Walking City
This city features slit, vestalvixen, and tarynhipp which almost makes it worth consideration. Almost. Plus I read that wrong the first time as "America’s Wanking City", an image that will unfortunately stay with me.

Medford, Oregon Gateway to the Pacific Northwest
This gorgeous spot boasts the West's only operating water-powered grist mill, located on the banks of Little Butte Creek since 1872…
What I look for in a city is a water-powered grist mill…

Salem, Oregon The Heart of Oregon
I didn’t think it was possible for a city to illicit no response from me at all, but Salem somehow succeeds.

Is it that bleak out there? Or just me?

And wait. Why didn’t I get Seattle? I love Seattle. If I was really going to move anywhere, that’d likely be my first choice.